i do believe i won this round of “best yearbook quote”
a friend came round to help me revise and forgot to log out of her facebook on my laptop so I’ve spent the last 20 minutes devoting her facebook to trains.
I’ve also got the middle name “ILikeTrains” pending and have joined 50 “I love trains” groups.
UPDATE:
TODAY BETH RECEIVED THIS LETTER FROM A TRAINSPOTTING ORGANISATION. THIS FRAPE IS THE MOST SUCCESSFUL THING I’VE DONE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
Plus size model Viktoria Manas
Wh-why do we even have XS-models anymore, when we could have more beauties like this??? I might just have developed a girl-crush on her. Seriously.
she’s really gorgeous, but let’s not put down smaller ladies
^
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)
Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.
Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.
Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.
Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)
Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.
Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.
Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.
Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.
Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad.
KNOWING SOMEBODY THAT HELPS YOU DEAL WITH YOUR EMOTIONS
BEING AFRAID OF STRESSING THEM OUT OR BEING TOO NEEDY
Nathan :””””””’(
Just because a person is a good actor, doesn’t mean they’d be good in any role.
But Meryl Streep though.
So here you see two photos of Emma and Rupert displaying elegance and serenity—and then there’s Dan.
“I HAVE A FUCKING BRANCH ON FIRE! I’m not Daniel! I AM HARRY POTTER!”
i don’t know what makes me laugh more the comment or the photo.
On the bright side, Dan is not on fire.
did u just go there
“Every new country she goes to, she gets colored in. Epic”.
Sometimes I just want to spend the entire day in bed with Nathan sleeping. Sometimes I do not get what I want. Sometimes I become irrationally angry with everyone for not getting what I want. Sometimes. Ugh.
Always is a very important word. Once you’ve been put into a book, you can’t take that back. Serverus Snape said always and made it important. It’s become a heavy word, like opulence or reluctant. It lingers on the tongue, unhurried. I would like for Nathan to always be here to listen to me, to be the person I flee the world with. He is my very favourite story. And I like that his plan is to listen to me, when I am sad. I like that he wants to be that person. Nathan is my person <3
i juST WANTEd a LITTLE PIcTUre of THE ONCELER BuT IT TURNED OUT TO PRInt a fULL PAGE
MOISTURIZE ME
IM LGUHAING SO HARD I JUST REALIZED WHEN BELLE WAS SINGING SHE WAS LIKE ‘NEWWW AND A BIT ALARMING’ BECAUSE SHES BASICALLY LIKE ‘OH MY FUCKING GOD I MIGHT BE INTO BESTIALITY?’
I hate this movie because I got it. Because it’s one thing to watch someone go through a mental breakdown onscreen as a happy well adjusted person, and it’s another thing to empathize. I hate watching panic attacks onscreen. I feel like this today. I’ve felt varying levels of this all week. You fucking assholes. “You said you were bored last week so no book for you.” Well you said you were broke and then you rented a 6 dollar movie. It was petty and rude. I understand the concept of not buying something because it’s a hardcover book and those are expensive. But saying were broke and then turning around and saying we could probably afford it but you said you were bored a week ago so no book for you. Like. There was literally no point to that. You could have stopped at broke.
And then the work party. Like, I was going to go! I was curious enough and felt comfortable enough around Javi that I was going to blow off the rest of the bathroom and go! And then I lost my fucking phone. And it’s probably no big deal and I’m sure they’ll all understand or have forgotten about it by next weekend but jesus I feel so stupid. I fucking hate social anxiety. God and that party yesterday. I swear to god every fucking time my mother talks about me being an “artist” I feel about as vaild as qvc jewelry. I know she tries. I know she’s proud of me. But like, no, I am not interested in taking lessons from some guy that painted some thing once and I have no desire to stand her and listen while you and some random woman prattle on about how you are so proud of yourselves for “getting” art. Adult conversation is BORING. I don’t know if i’ll ever grow up. My parents certainly haven’t
Literally perfect
Over forty years later:
WOAH!
